The typically suspicious claims of the cynic or conspiracy theorist only expose his rotten perspective of human nature. I was once told that even the act of thanks is suspect, for all gratitude is conditioned propaganda. If that is the case then nobody deserves thanks, because merit is impossible to determine, given the ugly taint of self-serving motives. It depends whether being publicly grateful is suspect because all praise is necessarily suspect. 

I agree with the Duke (La Rochefoucauld) that it is by the estimation of our feelings that we exaggerate the good qualities of others than by their merit and when we praise them we wish to attract their praise. Most people are shallow enough to be accused of secretly hoping for further favors in their gratitude. But this in no way means all gratitude is necessarily self-serving praise. This greatly underestimates certain individuals who may be magnaminous enough to appreciate a direct challenge to their thoughts, more so than mere confirmation of their convictions.

If I had a low opinion of people in general, then some of the charges of propaganda would stick. Then again…

[gratitude] may be not only the greatest of all virtues it is also their mother. - Cicero

The essence of all great art is gratitude - Nietzsche

We may never praise without a motive, for praise is flattery that gratifies differently him who praises and he who is praised. The one who takes it as the reward for merit and the other who bestows it to show his impartiality and knowledge.

That is true but gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep. - Frankfurter

The proud man is hardly a great man for thinks he never gets as much he deserves, but the Buddha says none of us have cause for anything except gratitude and joy. If criticism has survived far more insidious oppression elsewhere, then it can withstand even the horrors of praise, especially when it is in the form of gratitude.

The objectification of women is generally a problem of the Other in philosophy. Many philosophers, idealists and realists both, attempt to generate the Other from the self or began their analysis by assuming the existence of the alter ego. The former tries to erect an epistemological bridge from consciousness to consciousness, and the latter tries to assert that one consciousness is already “in touch” with another within the social reality of human existence.

But either way leads to an impasse because they are limited by the assumption that knowledge is the sole means to the discovery of the other. Rather, there is a third alternative: instead of knowledge, being is the ground of our relationships to others. Ontology, not epistemology is the appropriate level of discourse regarding the Other. (more…)

I was talking about grudges with a friend recently, and we agreed on many things. A grudge is the ill will one continues to hold for a long period of time, but the interesting thing is that despite being infuriated by certain snubs, we are not likely to dismiss these painful feelings and move on to greener pastures. Being slighted involves a certain form of entitlement to fairness, and a certain inability to forgive. To be able to forgive is to be empathetic and express positive emotions towards others, and the ability to put oneself in the evildoer’s shoes in order to understand his/her motives.

People who hold long-standing grudges are typically the impotent – whoever could not take revenge against their antagonizers. Their elephantine memory is motivated by feelings of hatred and resentment. This is how the followers of Jesus misunderstood him – instead of forgiving his death, they held a grudge against the Jewish order and from poisoned soil they invented Christianity. La Rochefoucauld has this to say about grudges:

“What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are.”

If someone holds a grudge against you, you may have made them bitter because you’ve injured their vanity. Such little minds are easily wounded by little things, whereas great minds see all such things without ever being wounded by them.