Heterodox Dictionary

AMBITION: the overpowering desire to be slandered by enemies while alive & made ludicrous by friends once dead.
CONFORMIST: one who lives by imitation & by horror of originality.
CONSERVATIVE: one who is fascinated with current perversities, as opposed to the liberal, who wants to replace them with new ones.
COMMON SENSE: why everyone can be wrong at the same time.
CONVICTION: an obvious sign somebody has failed to examine his beliefs thoroughly.
CYNIC: a person who knows too much but doesn’t believe in much.
DEMAGOGUERY: a fault in the thinker, an art in the priest, an accomplishment in the politician & second-nature in the journalist.
DESPAIR: indecision between the corruption of Epicureanism & the noble poise of Stoicism.
DIPLOMAT: someone always on the verge of saying either the banal or the blunder.
ECOLOGY: the opium of today’s liberal elites.
EDUCATION: the indoctrination of the inscrutable into the incurious by the impotent.
ENEMY: someone whose judgment of us is more honest than our own.
ENNUI: crucifixion for the rest of us.
EXPERT: someone whose prudence in avoiding petty errors gives her a blank check to perpetuate monumental fallacies by the dozens.
FACEBOOK: helping emo bitch inflate drama since 2004.
FLATTERY: the weapon designed to enslave, demoralize and corrupt others.
FOOL: someone independent of anxiety, forlornness, meaninglessness, and other existentialist moods
GOD: a man made invention that prevents mass suicides.
HIGHBROW: educated beyond one’s intellectual level.
HONESTY: the cynicism of prostitutes.
HUMANISM: the reason why we would nail Prometheus, the first humanist, to a rock today.
IDEA: a simulation that eventually degenerates into a petty belief.
IDEALIST: someone who hasn’t stepped in the ring vs reality & gotten punched in the nose.
INTELLECTUAL: a guy who found something more interesting than women.
JEALOUSY: the respect many women have for one another.
LAUGHTER: scrupulous hostility.
LIE: a crude stand-in for truth, but the only available alternative.
MAN: an inexhaustible source of humor for the gods.
METAPHYSICS: the elaboration of shitty reasons for what we already believe in our bones.
MINI SKIRT: the logical conclusion to 6000 years of feminine wisdom.
PARADOX: whenever underdeveloped insight collides with current stupidity.
PEACE: the sleep of ambition.
PESSIMIST: a person exclusively devoted to untimely truths.
PHILOSOPHY: the conversion of cognitive vice into epistemic virtue.
RELIGION: the antidote to the ironic death of metanarratives.
SALVATION: the subtlest & most camouflaged of all torments.
SARCASM: mockery masquerading as an endorsement.
SELF: the greatest dogma, for nothing insulates as well as self-esteem.
TRAITOR (greatest): a Judas with the soul of Buddha.
TRUTH: either a premature insight or a symptom of decay.
TWITTER: the privilege of the narcissistic class.
WISDOM:  a clever form of inauthenticity.
WISDOM (2): a dead end that pretends to be a discipline.

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...a philosophisticator who utters heresies, thinks theothanatologically and draws like Kirby on steroids.

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